The Virgin Queen: Part The First

[sophieisgod]

PICSPAM TIME! And be warned, this is an uber-spam. The topic is the 2005 BBC drama The Virgin Queen, starring Anne-Marie Duff as Elizabeth I. Featured awesome includes Tom Hardy, Kevin McKidd, Ian Hart and Dexter Fletcher. There are many, many, many pictures under the cut, because Tom Hardy is far too sexy for his own good.

This one's for darkangsty42. Try not to explode!


This is Elizabeth. She's stressed out because her sister is a little... edgy right now.


This is her praying with her two maids, Kat Ashley and Lettice Knollys. They do that a lot, because there isn't much else to do... IN PRISON!


This is Dexter Fletcher. He hangs around, just being awesome. Look at his hair!


This is William Cecil, played by PROFESSOR QUIRRELL! But it's okay, he's not evil in this. He is also awesome.


This is Queen Mary. She's a leetle paranoid.


She thoughtfully has Elizabeth confined in the Tower.


Look! Dexter Fletcher's face is so cool!


Aha! Now here we have Robert Dudley, played by the sextasmic Tom Hardy. He has the power to make you explode from lust, so be warned...




Elizabeth, because she has ovaries, is impressed.




Oh look, it's Bryan Dick, randomly being executed! *waves*


Grrr, look at him, being all hot in the shadows.




Elizabeth gets stressed out some more about the whole... prisoner thing.


She expresses her rage through vandalism.


But then Mary dies, so she's totally the queen!


She immediately surrounds herself with her friends...


... And also, Dexter Fletcher, because he is awesome.


Ooh, look, it's Kevin McKidd! He is the Duke of Norfolk. Why is Norfolk ALWAYS sexy? It's very distracting.


It is obvious that he is HOT, but it is also obvious that Norfolk is an ARSE, because he PUSHES DEXTER FLETCHER OUT OF THE WAY!


He grovels a wee bit...




... But Bess isn't biting.


BURN


And now, A Hot Elizabeth/Robert Scene. There are a few of these coming up, so get used to it.






These two are very good at putting their heads close together in a sexy manner.


See?




LOOK AT THE EARRING. *dies*




Oh, she's such a badass.


And now a little something I like to call Men In Ruffs.








Coronation time! Anointing and so forth...




Ohh, man. I covet this crown so hard. Not in a lust-for-power way, but it's got, like, really big rubies on it.


Norfolk seems unimpressed. And also sexy.


SHE'S THE FUCKING QUEEN, YO


You know what's not particularly regal? Having eyesex with a courtier at your coronation.




It is understandable, though.




You know what's a good way to open an episode? Sweaty Tennis. Sweaty Tennis played by hot men. You know what's difficult to screencap? Sweaty Tennis.








The Sweaty Tennis pleases Elizabeth.


Norfolk? Not so much. He reckons Robert is overly familiar...


He kind of has a point, because Robert puts his hand right in Elizabeth's lap.


Mmm, sweaty men.


Ohh, sweaty men. Why must you fight?








Elizabeth is bemused. And a little turned on.


COMPLETELY GRATUITOUS CROTCH SHOT


Robert has a surprise for Elizabeth.


He totally pins it to her boob.




Lettice is not impressed.


Random face of magnificence:


Uh-oh! Lettice covets the hanky o' Dudley.


Uh-oh! Robert is doing vaguely dirty things with his hands in public!


Bess is not impressed.


Robbie is baffled.


Shouting ensues.


Surprisingly, this move fails to win the argument.


Aww, but she loves him really! She keeps him in a box!




Meanwhile, the men in ruffs have marriage in mind.


Elizabeth watche Robert play some Sweaty Tennis. It's rather hot. It's even hotter when you can hear the grunting.








Uh-oh! This is Robert's wife. She's really pale and sickly looking. They are not hot.


He is sort of sweetly concerned about her, though. Sort of.




And now, the dream sequence they put in the trailers to make it look like Elizabeth and Robert had sex!










See? FAKEOUT!


Lettice is not impressed.


Had you forgotten about Awesome Cecil? Because he's still here, he's still awesome, and he has marriage suggestions!


Elizabeth is not impressed.


It's another one of those Elizabeth/Robert scenes! One of the ones with the heads close together!






*guh*








SEXY HAND KISSING




Lettice is not impressed.


Pale, sickly wife is still pale and sickly, just so you know.


Look! Robbie's earring has been upgraded to a Colin-Firth style pimp Tudor pearl!






Walsingham, or, Finn-from-Cutting It. He's not as cool as Geoffrey Rush.


Prospective Marriage Candiate's Ambassador turns up.


Dexter Fletcher is still awesome!


Kevin McKidd is still foxy!


Pale, Sickly Wife now has a creepy lump on her neck!


AND THEN ELIZABETH AND ROBERT DO SEXY DANCING
















Austrian Guy and Lettice are not impressed.


Elizabeth is flushed.


Kat tells Bess to get over Robbie, sharpish.




Lettice is listening at the door, of course.


I really want her dressing gown.


Uh-oh!


Pale, Sicky Wife just killed herself!


While this is obviously terribly sad, it has unexpected benefits. This is a little something I like to call Sexy Rain Grief.






Men In Ruffs 2: The Revenge






So, Widower!Robbie now sees no reason why he can't marry the love of his life/the queen....


(LEATHERPANTS!)


Elizabeth, however, has other ideas. And you know what that means... ANOTHER SCENE WITH HEADS CLOSE TOGETHER. You know you love it.










HOMG KISSING!!!


But then, there was shouting.








Uh-oh!




Shit...


Worst. Break-up. Ever.


Robert gets named Lord Protector while she's on her deathbed... He does enjoy sitting on the Pimp Throne.


Doesn't last long, though, because she totally recovers...


... And then she totally verbally bitch-slaps Parliament.




ELIZABETH FTW!!!


Robbie: "Shit."


Look! It's Ewan Bremmer! He's Scottish! Mary, Queen of Scots wants to marry some guy and threaten Elizabeth's throne!


Elizabeth does not think this idea is great. Instead, she thinks Robbie should marry Mary!


Robbie is not impressed.




So, she makes him Earl Of Leicester.


Meep! Tender hair touching...


Uh-oh! Someone's been doing treason!


Uh-oh! It's Norfolk!








Farewell, Kevin McKidd. You made this picspam a sweatier, sexier place. Maybe one day, if I ever picspam Rome, we shall meet again. For now, goodbye.


But what's this? It's Robbie, sleeping!


Someone is in his room!




Lettice is impressed.



PART TWO COMING SOON!

Comments

[sophieisgod.livejournal.com]

FINISHED!!!!!

Ohhh, Jake. That bit where he HEARS them, and then he starts howling... I think I teared up!

And also, I remember you saying that the next one's going to be all Midsummer Night's Dream... She isn't going to do Jake/Leah, is she?! With the imprinting thing? And gaaaaah the little black-haired children!

I can't decide whether or not I still hate Edward. I still have trouble with the whole 'perfect person' thing, because that's just lame, and then with the disabling her truck and bribing Alice to babysit her forever (and I think I decided I also don't like Alice, because she treats Bella like a creepy human doll), but then there was better kissing in this book! But he still says reeeeely cheesy things, and is controlling, and of course he's more mature than Jacob, Bella, he's over a century old!

Also, is Steph really going to have Bella marry Edward just so she can have sex with him? I'm not sure that's a good message for the kids!

[three-nails.livejournal.com]

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!

Okay, so most people think Jake is an ass for that first kiss that he "forced" on Bella. But. Steph Meyer has confirmed that Bella fell in love with Jake in New Moon, and that though she didn't want to admit it, she did kiss him back in that scene!!! *does the happy jig*!!

Jacob/Leah is OFFICIALLY not happening!! Apart from them being like cousins or something, and hating eachother, Steph has confirmed that imprinting happens upon the first time seeing the person after they have become a werewolf, so the imprinting would have happened long ago. And it didn't =D. I am still 95% sure that Steph will ruin Breaking Dawn, though, and will throw an imprint at Jake in an attempt to make it all better *facepalm/eyeroll*. IT WON'T BE BETTER.

I don't hate Eddie anymore (I certainly did in New Moon and the beginning of Eclipse), I just don't want him with Bella. He's a nice enough guy, but Jake is the better fit for her. I mean, her and Jake actually have CONVERSATION, and LAUGH, and enjoy thinking about LIFE and BABIES, as opposed to ya know, just brooding silently together. Ugh, I hate Edward/Bella so much.

I have other friends that don't like Alice now either, and I'm undecided on the matter. Her kidnapping Bella was so f-ing lame, though. SO F-ING LAME.

Also, is Steph really going to have Bella marry Edward just so she can have sex with him? I'm not sure that's a good message for the kids!
LOOOOL, you need to talk to anythingbutgrey, you guys have all the same opinions, hahaha, she has said that so many times. But yeah, I'm 99.9% sure Edward/Bella is a done deal. I'm kinda clinically depressed by this, actually. Also, apparently Steph is surprised that there are still Jacob/Bella shippers, which BOGGLES MY F-ING MIND considering all the J/B events in Eclipse.

[sophieisgod.livejournal.com]

AHAHAHAHAHA! I'm glad about that, I thought it was weird that Bella called it 'assualt', because, y'know, it's only a kiss. And also, SHE'S IN LOVE WITH HIM ANYWAY. Actually, I really didn't like Bella when she was all "kiss me" and then was passsively bitchy about it.

Phew! re: Jake/Leah! She's totally going to just pawn him off on some random, isn't she... *mourns* And Bella realised she loved Jake, and then what? Nothing? She just walks away and detached herself from him? DO NOT WANT.

Edward (hee! that you call him Eddie. It makes me want to do silly things like put a party hat on him) was definitely not as infuriating as he was in NM, but I still don't see E/B as in anyway healthy. Or sexy. Or interesting. It seems totally imbalanced, for one thing. Like, she's pathetically grateful for him loving her and that's their entire relationship. And their conversations make me want to hurt people. There's one at the end of a chapter, where he's all "Sleep, my Bella" AND I WANT TO HURT THE BOOK FOR MAKING ME READ THIS STUFF.

Also, how come when Edward wants to use mind games and fight for Bella, it's okay, but when Jake does it he's an ass?

I don't particularly like any of the vampires, really. They just seem sort of blank. Like, we're supposed to accept that Bella loves them a crazy amount, but we're never really SHOWN why. Apart from the whole life-saving thing, obviously. I did like Jasper's backstory, and I do like Alice/Jasper as a pairing, and Emmett's mildly amusing, but there really isn't much to go on. By contrast, the werewolves are fascinating. All the legends, and the idea of it... Plus, I actually would want to spend time with them in the woods if they existed. ooh, and I really like the imprinting concept. Quil and Claire! I was surprised she did that, because it's not OMG PERFECT COUPLE, but it's kind of awesome.

Why is she surprised when Bella was all "a little part of me wanted other arms"?!! that's grounds for hope, surely!

[three-nails.livejournal.com]

QUIL/CLAIRE!!!!!!!! Do you ship them? Do you do you =D?? I'm currently the only person in the whole LJ World with "quil/claire" as an Interest, hahaha. I wrote my first ever fanfic on them, and I'm kinda working on a second!

Based on the whole Midsummer Nights thing I am kinda positive Jake will imprint of some random chick. And it makes me want to commit murder. =(

It seems totally imbalanced, for one thing. Like, she's pathetically grateful for him loving her and that's their entire relationship.
YES. EXACTLY. It is so CRAZY that they are the center of these stories and that Steph has kinda said that they are the end game. IT IS SO UNHEALTHY.

Also, how come when Edward wants to use mind games and fight for Bella, it's okay, but when Jake does it he's an ass?
Because Bella, along with 90% of the fandom, are under Eddie's VOODOO SPELL and claim that he can DO NO WRONG. They also find nothing wrong or disturbing by the fact that Eddie WENT AND KILLED TONS OF PEOPLE FOR A COUPLE YEARS, but Jacob having a temper disgusts them. *HEADDESK*

Emmett I kinda love =D. I don't even know why exactly, he's just so fun, and I kinda LOVE that Steph described his laugh as "booming" at one point, hehe. He just seems like a fun older brother to have =). And Rosalie I know love, too. But the others? Meh. The Werewolves totally PWN the rest. I wish Emmett and Jacob would be friends, they are so similar =).

I know, the second half of Eclipse especially is so freakin J/B and then Steph comes out and makes stupid comments like that. It hurts my brain.

[sophieisgod.livejournal.com]

Quil/Claire is kind of fascinating, because you really want to see at what point her feelings for him will shift or whatever. Your fic was awesome for that :D More please!

Ugh for random imprinting. Because you just know that the E/B fandom people will be "Jake's happy, why are you complaining?" (she says, having been in the fandom for all of a week), but THAT IS NOT THE POINT. The point is that Jacob is better for Bella, he's healthier for her and she deserves a happy, proper life as opposed to being turned into a vampire! He's what she should choose if Steph isn't trying to send out a really weird message about boys.

UGH, VOODOO EDWARD. Yeah, doesn't matter that he KILLS PEOPLE AND DRINKS THEIR BLOOD (but, y'know, only bad people who deserved it). Jacob, a werewolf got upset because the girl he's in love with is in love with a jerk. And he didn't attack anyone. That's pretty self-controlled. Ooh, I forgot about Rosalie. I like that she's the only vampire who's like, "Um, Bella? What are you doing?"

That reminds me of another Alice thing that pissed me off: in NM when she said she'd turn Bella, like it was nothing, like it was her decision to make. And don't even get me started on her party-planning obsession.

SLEEPING BAG!!!!

[three-nails.livejournal.com]

Yay, I'm glad you liked it =D.

No, E/B shippers in general are REALLY annoying and bitchy so they totally would say that kind of thing. And Jake would only be "happy" because Steph used like magic to make him fall in love. I mean she even compared, Breaking Dawn to Midsummer Night which is about people being under a spell! Ugh. Jake imprinting is just such a cop out. Steph will get to say "YAY, all my character are happy!". No.

It's like Rosalie is the only sane one of the bunch.

I think Alice's big problem is that she has no memory of being human, so she doesn't understand what Bella will be giving up. She is thus not a good role model for our little Bells =/.

SLEEEEEPING BAAAAAAAG. SPACE HEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATER. "KISS ME AND THEN COME BACK." TWO BLACK HAIRED KIDS. EVERYTHIIIIIIIIING. gosh, I can't believe our ship isn't going to win. It makes me so depressed. OUR SHIP IS TRUE LOVE DAMMIT!!!

[sophieisgod.livejournal.com]

Heavens above.

I just dipped my toe in the E/B fandom waters, and I think it killed some brain cells. What is the matter with these people?! I hate to be a fandom snob (ohh, who am I kidding?) but it's sort of horrifying. Thirteen year old girls are swooning over Edward! *is immensely creeped out* And they're mean about Jake! And they write baaaaaaaad fanfic! And they say things like "i dont no how this would happen, but what if edward became human and then they could have babys?!!!"

And they're tremendously condescending to Team Jacob! *is annoyed on behalf on Team Jacob*

And is it now canon that Bella IS going to become a vampire? They're all saying that was the point of Eclipse, that Bella finally, irrevocably picked Edward over her family and friends (and Jake) and committed to being a vampire! *sputters* But... But... That's stupid! She still loves Jake! And I know I keep saying this, but if Steph has Bella become a vampire, that's, like, damaging. It's sick. It's not romantic, it's sad. Argh, it makes me so angry.

TRUE HUMAN LOVE FTW!!!!

[three-nails.livejournal.com]

If you want to have a good laugh/get pissed off at E/Bers, have a look at this ("Eclipse spoilers, but this is sort of alternate Eclipse where none of that stuff between Bella and Jacob happens." *HEADDESK*). People that can go on shipping their ship no matter what happens between the characters and other characters just boggle my mind. Go make your own make believe fandom and get out of ours!

Also, I freakin hate this fandom so much sometimes.

No, it's not canon. Steph hasn't given that away. She has alluded to the fact that Edward and Bella are the end game, though, so people are probably assuming that means she will become a vampire in the last book. It seems as if the natural conclusion will be Bella and Edward marry and then Edward turns her. Which is like everything I DON'T want to happen happening. =( =(

[sophieisgod.livejournal.com]

Eurgh. Bella's a cat person now? Clearly their alternate Eclipse skipped over all the snuggly wolf stuff. I was kind of shocked, really, because pretty much everyone at sortofbeautiful seems articulate and intelligent... And this other stiff wasn't even an E/B comm, it was just the general Twilight one.... *shudders*

That video angered me. Even without the sheer pointlessness of it (homewrecker? Really? Didn't Edward leave in the first place, plebs?), it's horrible when people throw words like 'rape' around so casually. *head explodes with rage*

everything I DON'T want to happen
SO MUCH WORD. Oh, I am angry now. How have you not exploded this past month?

[three-nails.livejournal.com]

We kinda had an explosion of anger when that video went up. It was like "seriously? SRSLY?!?!" Ugh, this fandom pisses me off.

I've found that most E/Bers are kinda stupid and ditzy... which is why they still ship E/B.

I guess it's been more in IMs and at anythingbutgrey's journal, but trust me, I've been exploding! There was exploding here and here, though.

[sophieisgod.livejournal.com]

Ahhh, explosions. Ranting is A Good Thing. And hee! at the stupid, ditzy E/B people.

I've realised that something I don't like about Steph's writing, or maybe it's just her attitude, is the idea that devotion is the most important thing. Like, the whole Bela/Ed pathetically grateful thing, and sometimes with the imprinting- you can win someone over by just fawning over them all the time, like that's the only factor. And ESPECIALLY with what's most likely coming in BD, with Jake's Random Imprint Of DOOOOOM, it just seems to easy. Convenience is not fun to read.

[anythingbutgrey.livejournal.com]

ahem.

hi. how are you?

sortofbeautiful is no lie, the most intelligent comm for twilight BY FAR. i'm positive that's due to the fact that j/b-ers are amazzzzzing, but that's a separate issue. but no, seriously. we win.

[sophieisgod.livejournal.com]

Hi. Not bad! Just, you know, mourning the stupid death of the ship that I've shipped for a week. I think I need to build a Jacob raft, or something.

So, I read your WH essay and lots of your J/B fic, and I have to say that you are very awesome. It's like, everything that I think about Jacob and why J/B is so much more realistic and gutwrenching healthy and just generally better tha E/B. Thanks for that :D

I also read your Zanessa fic, because I have a dirty, secret, post-Hairspray love for Zac Efron.

[anythingbutgrey.livejournal.com]

so, um, i read your comments on this post because i'm a freak like that and what with them + your hairspray!love for zac, i think we may be the same person. :)