THE BAT SPAM
Jul. 29th, 2007 04:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sophieisgodWow, a post unreleated to Harry Potter. Is it too soon? It feels too soon. Anyway, Batman Begins has rather a lot of Gary Oldman in, so that kind of counts, doesn't it?
So, the son of a Gotham billionare falls down a well...
And gets attacked by bats. Hee.
But it's okay, because in the future he looks like Christian Bale!
Unfortunately, he appears to be in some sort of Far Eastern prison...
He makes friends by totally kicking the shit out of six guys at once. And by 'makes friends', I mean 'gets himself locked in solitary confinement'.
But what's this? It's Liam Neeson! Liam Neeson sets Christian Bale a mysterious flower-based challenge.
After manfully completing his mysterious flower-based challenge, I'm pretty sure Christian Bale was expecting a better prize than a fellow with an odd beard.
Flashback! Young Boy with his parents (is his mum Stella from Sugar Rush?) looking all happy. That won't last...
Told you.
But, y'know, silver linings. Now he gets to have Gary Oldman put a coat around him and touch his face.
Okay, so now we're in the future, but not as far in the future as we were before. In this timeframe, Christian Bale has silly hair like Robert Sean Leonard in Much Ado About Nothing, mmkay?
This is Katie Holmes. She is invariably self-righteous and makes annoying faces. Thankfully, in The Dark Knight, she will be played by Maggie Gyllenhaal.
Annoying face!
Meanwhile, in the future, Christian Bale is totally a better ninja than Liam Neeson.
But then, he finds out The Bearded Man is evil! And blows up the House Of Ninja Learning!
So, he gets on a plane and formulates a Plan.
Because Michael Caine is awesome, he is allowed to make these faces. Katie Holmes, however, is definitely not.
She does not appear to have received this memo.
Even Cillian Murphy recognises how annoying she is, and he is clearly psychotic.
While he begins to implement his Plan, Christian Bale pines for Gary Oldman.
He also enlists the help of Morgan Freeman, because everything is better with Morgan Freeman on board.
"Spelunking." Hee.
Meanwhile, Gary Oldman is feeling blue, because his partner is Gross and Disgusting.
Unable to be parted from Gary Oldman for a moment longer, Christian Bale takes matters into his own hands...
He ensures that his chosen balaclava maximises the impact of his pout.
When this fails to ensare Gary Oldman, Christian Bale resorts to incresingly desperate measures...
He also punishes Gross Disgusting Partner Guy for not being worthy of Gary Oldman.
Oh, and in case you were wondering, Katie Holmes is still annoying and Cillian Murphy is still psychotic.
"I gotta get me one of those!" HERE IS YOUR CLUE, CHRISTIAN BALE!
Meanwhile, the plot has been happening, and it turns out Liam Neeson was the evil one all along! And he totally burns down Christian Bale's house!
Christian Bale finally realises that the way to win Gary Oldman's heart is to give him the keys to the Batmobile. And then Gary Oldman totally saves the day. Because he is AWESOME.
Christian Bale finaly earns the Gary Oldman Wave Of Approval.
Katie Holmes is annoying some more.
And finally, Christian Bale ends this journey the way he always dreamed he would: alone on a rooftop with Gary Oldman.
Cunningly, he has also managed to ensure that he'll get to spend even more time with Gary Oldman in the next film...
Ahh, gratuitous manly goodness...
In Which Christian Bale Looks Vaguely Angsty
Sword!Angst
Flopsy hair!Angst
In Which Christian Bale Is Delicious In A Suit
"Does it come in black?"
In Which Christian Bale Is Wet
PRESS UPS!
A Little Something I Like To Call 'The Pyjama Sequence'
Gary Oldman Leaning In A Doorway
Cillian Murphy: Lovable Psycho
I'll just take this moment to apologise for turning Batman Begins into One Man's Quest To Spend Time With Gary Oldman. I guess I'm not quite over Harry Potter yet...
So, the son of a Gotham billionare falls down a well...
And gets attacked by bats. Hee.
But it's okay, because in the future he looks like Christian Bale!
Unfortunately, he appears to be in some sort of Far Eastern prison...
He makes friends by totally kicking the shit out of six guys at once. And by 'makes friends', I mean 'gets himself locked in solitary confinement'.
But what's this? It's Liam Neeson! Liam Neeson sets Christian Bale a mysterious flower-based challenge.
After manfully completing his mysterious flower-based challenge, I'm pretty sure Christian Bale was expecting a better prize than a fellow with an odd beard.
Flashback! Young Boy with his parents (is his mum Stella from Sugar Rush?) looking all happy. That won't last...
Told you.
But, y'know, silver linings. Now he gets to have Gary Oldman put a coat around him and touch his face.
Okay, so now we're in the future, but not as far in the future as we were before. In this timeframe, Christian Bale has silly hair like Robert Sean Leonard in Much Ado About Nothing, mmkay?
This is Katie Holmes. She is invariably self-righteous and makes annoying faces. Thankfully, in The Dark Knight, she will be played by Maggie Gyllenhaal.
Annoying face!
Meanwhile, in the future, Christian Bale is totally a better ninja than Liam Neeson.
But then, he finds out The Bearded Man is evil! And blows up the House Of Ninja Learning!
So, he gets on a plane and formulates a Plan.
Because Michael Caine is awesome, he is allowed to make these faces. Katie Holmes, however, is definitely not.
She does not appear to have received this memo.
Even Cillian Murphy recognises how annoying she is, and he is clearly psychotic.
While he begins to implement his Plan, Christian Bale pines for Gary Oldman.
He also enlists the help of Morgan Freeman, because everything is better with Morgan Freeman on board.
"Spelunking." Hee.
Meanwhile, Gary Oldman is feeling blue, because his partner is Gross and Disgusting.
Unable to be parted from Gary Oldman for a moment longer, Christian Bale takes matters into his own hands...
He ensures that his chosen balaclava maximises the impact of his pout.
When this fails to ensare Gary Oldman, Christian Bale resorts to incresingly desperate measures...
He also punishes Gross Disgusting Partner Guy for not being worthy of Gary Oldman.
Oh, and in case you were wondering, Katie Holmes is still annoying and Cillian Murphy is still psychotic.
"I gotta get me one of those!" HERE IS YOUR CLUE, CHRISTIAN BALE!
Meanwhile, the plot has been happening, and it turns out Liam Neeson was the evil one all along! And he totally burns down Christian Bale's house!
Christian Bale finally realises that the way to win Gary Oldman's heart is to give him the keys to the Batmobile. And then Gary Oldman totally saves the day. Because he is AWESOME.
Christian Bale finaly earns the Gary Oldman Wave Of Approval.
Katie Holmes is annoying some more.
And finally, Christian Bale ends this journey the way he always dreamed he would: alone on a rooftop with Gary Oldman.
Cunningly, he has also managed to ensure that he'll get to spend even more time with Gary Oldman in the next film...
Ahh, gratuitous manly goodness...
In Which Christian Bale Looks Vaguely Angsty
Sword!Angst
Flopsy hair!Angst
In Which Christian Bale Is Delicious In A Suit
"Does it come in black?"
In Which Christian Bale Is Wet
PRESS UPS!
A Little Something I Like To Call 'The Pyjama Sequence'
Gary Oldman Leaning In A Doorway
Cillian Murphy: Lovable Psycho
I'll just take this moment to apologise for turning Batman Begins into One Man's Quest To Spend Time With Gary Oldman. I guess I'm not quite over Harry Potter yet...
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Date: 2007-07-31 01:02 am (UTC)Thanks for commenting! :D