THE BAT SPAM

[sophieisgod]

Wow, a post unreleated to Harry Potter. Is it too soon? It feels too soon. Anyway, Batman Begins has rather a lot of Gary Oldman in, so that kind of counts, doesn't it?


So, the son of a Gotham billionare falls down a well...




And gets attacked by bats. Hee.


But it's okay, because in the future he looks like Christian Bale!


Unfortunately, he appears to be in some sort of Far Eastern prison...


He makes friends by totally kicking the shit out of six guys at once. And by 'makes friends', I mean 'gets himself locked in solitary confinement'.




But what's this? It's Liam Neeson! Liam Neeson sets Christian Bale a mysterious flower-based challenge.


After manfully completing his mysterious flower-based challenge, I'm pretty sure Christian Bale was expecting a better prize than a fellow with an odd beard.




Flashback! Young Boy with his parents (is his mum Stella from Sugar Rush?) looking all happy. That won't last...




Told you.


But, y'know, silver linings. Now he gets to have Gary Oldman put a coat around him and touch his face.


Okay, so now we're in the future, but not as far in the future as we were before. In this timeframe, Christian Bale has silly hair like Robert Sean Leonard in Much Ado About Nothing, mmkay?


This is Katie Holmes. She is invariably self-righteous and makes annoying faces. Thankfully, in The Dark Knight, she will be played by Maggie Gyllenhaal.


Annoying face!


Meanwhile, in the future, Christian Bale is totally a better ninja than Liam Neeson.




But then, he finds out The Bearded Man is evil! And blows up the House Of Ninja Learning!


So, he gets on a plane and formulates a Plan.


Because Michael Caine is awesome, he is allowed to make these faces. Katie Holmes, however, is definitely not.


She does not appear to have received this memo.


Even Cillian Murphy recognises how annoying she is, and he is clearly psychotic.


While he begins to implement his Plan, Christian Bale pines for Gary Oldman.




He also enlists the help of Morgan Freeman, because everything is better with Morgan Freeman on board.


"Spelunking." Hee.


Meanwhile, Gary Oldman is feeling blue, because his partner is Gross and Disgusting.




Unable to be parted from Gary Oldman for a moment longer, Christian Bale takes matters into his own hands...




He ensures that his chosen balaclava maximises the impact of his pout.


When this fails to ensare Gary Oldman, Christian Bale resorts to incresingly desperate measures...




He also punishes Gross Disgusting Partner Guy for not being worthy of Gary Oldman.




Oh, and in case you were wondering, Katie Holmes is still annoying and Cillian Murphy is still psychotic.




"I gotta get me one of those!" HERE IS YOUR CLUE, CHRISTIAN BALE!




Meanwhile, the plot has been happening, and it turns out Liam Neeson was the evil one all along! And he totally burns down Christian Bale's house!




Christian Bale finally realises that the way to win Gary Oldman's heart is to give him the keys to the Batmobile. And then Gary Oldman totally saves the day. Because he is AWESOME.






Christian Bale finaly earns the Gary Oldman Wave Of Approval.


Katie Holmes is annoying some more.


And finally, Christian Bale ends this journey the way he always dreamed he would: alone on a rooftop with Gary Oldman.






Cunningly, he has also managed to ensure that he'll get to spend even more time with Gary Oldman in the next film...




Ahh, gratuitous manly goodness...
In Which Christian Bale Looks Vaguely Angsty




Sword!Angst




Flopsy hair!Angst
















In Which Christian Bale Is Delicious In A Suit








"Does it come in black?"




In Which Christian Bale Is Wet












PRESS UPS!






A Little Something I Like To Call 'The Pyjama Sequence'






















Gary Oldman Leaning In A Doorway




Cillian Murphy: Lovable Psycho


I'll just take this moment to apologise for turning Batman Begins into One Man's Quest To Spend Time With Gary Oldman. I guess I'm not quite over Harry Potter yet...

Comments

[clouded-logic.livejournal.com]

Jim Gordon is clearly not as sexy as Sirius.

Whoever thought that would ever need to be clarified? :P

*raises eyebrows* Universe conspiring against you... you haven't smoked anything suspicious over the past few hours, have you? :P

I'm still not particularly expecting him to be sexy in OOTP, but I'm starting to think I should. Be prepared for the ambush of the sexy and all.

[sophieisgod.livejournal.com]

I couldn't smoke even if I wanted to! I think my lungs are wrong. Like, when my friends with asthma had to blow in those lung capacity things, mine was always freakishly low. So it's definitely not that. I don't think.

Oh no, I've built it up too much now! I was overcome because I wasn't really expecting it, but I saw it with people who were, and he was so very lovely, and all the velveteen! I am incoherent. Film!Sirius was a bit different to Book!Sirius, though, and I didn't particularly fancy Book1Sirius in OotP... I've confused myself now.

Actually, it really didn't help matters that they had him and Remus being all couple-y after I'd been binge-reading Shoebox...

[clouded-logic.livejournal.com]

I have asthma! Um. Just, you know, I like to feel included. :P

Come to think of it, I didn't really like OOTPbook! Sirius that much either. He was all... meh. AND HE DIED. Except for the pensieve scene cos I fancied him like hell for about 5 pages. XD

Uh oh. And now you're encouraging me to read more SBP too... my mind's already poisoned by it enough! (But you just know I'm going to run off and read it all the faster.)

[sophieisgod.livejournal.com]

It's weird, when I was small I used to really wish I had asthma, because I coveted the inhalers that came in two big see-through pieces, and it didn't really seem like that big of a deal. Now, I feel stupid because it's a proper illness. Oops.

Ahh, Flashback!Sirius is very sexy, with the lounging and the leaning and THE HAIR. But, I don't know, he was so mean!

[clouded-logic.livejournal.com]

Haha, how cute. I've never really thought of it as a big deal either, because it was only serious when I was little so it wasn't a problem when I was older. My mum still tells me off for forgetting to take my inhaler everywhere. lol.

I didn't see what Harry was making all the fuss was about... is that bad? Either I was blinded by Young!Hot!Sirius, or I have a horribly warped moral sense.